Friday, 25 July 2008

Bobby Martini - My Week In Review - Friday 25th July 2008

When I started this blog I intended it to be not just a place for me to inform you fine readers of my new mashups and remixes, but to also rant or rave about anything in particular. Well, after looking back at the past few months posts, I realise I haven't ranted or raved about much at all. That is about to change.

Starting today I shall be writing my weekly review of the past 7 days, giving you a little insight as to what the real Bobby Martini is liking and disliking. It's a way for me to vent my spleen a bit - plus I'm crap at writing and at least this way I can keep a diary and still read it (unlike my writing, which is like a pissed spider)

I have decided to introduce a rating system of my experiences. Nothing complicated - honest !
If something/someone pleases me, makes me laugh, makes my life easier - they will be awarded a CLAP'EM. If however it/they displease me - they will be awarded a SLAP'EM.

CLAP'EM - Round of applause/slap on the back/a general thank you.
SLAP'EM - Exactly that. A slap. A good hard one in some cases. In fact, in a lot of cases a good kick in the kidneys wouldn't go a miss.

Get the picture ? Good. Lets take a look at the last week then..................

Last weekend (18th & 19th July) I attended, along with some friends, the London Film & Comicon. Let me say for the record the emphasis is on the last three letters - CON. Bloody hell. I have attended this event for quite a few years now. If you are a fan of comics, films, props, autographs and the like, then this is the place for you. This year was f**king dire though. Held in Earls Court 2 (which is a big bloody hall) - it was only half full. Unfortunately the admission price was still the same though !

The promise of some props from the Indiana Jones films was quite appealing for me. How dissapointed was I to see some items that looked as if they had been cobbled together by the kids at the local 'special needs' school. If they were in the Indiana Jones trilogy then I am the Pope.

The stalls/standsexhibitors that decided to show up were the usual mish-mash of overpriced tat and junk. I don't think I found one DVD for sale that wasn't double the price of the same thing in HMV or Zavvi.

All in all it was crap and I won't be going again. Showmasters, who run this effort, should be ashamed of themselves for conning people into paying an entrance fee for this farce. The crew we spoke to were full of the usual shit too, commenting on the reasons for the lack of stalls to be......."because the standard of guests sigining autographs was so high, it was thought that the public wouldn't have the money to spend on purchasing items" - what a crock of steaming shit. The reason there wasn't so many stands is that they too think the LFCC is crap and didn't want to turn up. The whole thing is run by complete muppets.

I must say however that the highlight for me was the people who chose to dress up - known in the industry as Cosplayers. There were some sterling efforts. Hellboy (although the paint was running down his neck a bit), Alien, Predator, some characters from Disney's Enchanted,Lara Croft, Jessica Rabbit, Thundercats, that sort of thing, but the creme de la creme was the World Record attempt to get as many people dressed in Star Wars costumes in one place at the same time. There were quite a few stormtroopers, a very small Darth Vader (so small in fact I thought he might have been the Lego version), some Jedi's (no idea of the names, just take your own and reverse it - it will probably be near enough) and a slave Princess Leia who was so big I thought she had come as Jabba the Hutt. I also feel the need to point out that just wearing a Stormtrooper helmet with a white shirt and a pair of white trousers does not count as a Stormtrooper outfit - you know who you are. Also the man with a black hoodie top and black jeans with his face painted black and red does not really qualify as Darth Maul - I mean..........come on.

I have no idea if they broke the record or not. If it was based on accuracy - I'm guessing they didn't !

London Film and Comic Con - SLAP'EM - Money grabbing, couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery, bastards !

I stayed at the Earls Court Ibis hotel for the duration of the weekend. I wish I hadn't. The beds are so hard I wished I had slept on the f**king pool table in the bar. Oh, and here is an idea for any Ibis staff/Directors reading this (unlikely I know!) - how about supplying more than one pillow, the thickness of a bloody Ryevita, in the room !
The staff were worse than f**king useless too. I just want to say a huge thank you to the stupid cow at reception who decided to make my card key invalid, even though I hadn't checked out and still had all my DJ gear including laptop in the room, available for any f**king cleaner to whip away. Thank you so much. I hope your green card comes through soon lovey !!!!

IBIS Earls Court - SLAP'EM - Hard beds, crap staff, dirty bathroom, No f**king WI-FI unless you want to mortgage your house to pay for an hour, and the pool table in the bar was on the piss too.

So where do you go for a meal whilst in Earls Court ? Well it's not exactly known as the heart of the city is it? Me and 12 other friends (yes I do have some) decided to book a table at the Tandori Garden, 98 Lillie Rd, Earls Court. Good food, crap service and the air conditioning left an awful lot to be desired. If Nasa or someone like Richard Branson ever decide to do trips to the Sun, don't bother wasting your money, just go to the Tandoori Garden instead. The temperature must have been 40 degrees plus in there that night. And I still think my wife is waiting for her drink !

Tandoori Garden Earls Court - SLAP'EM - Too bloody hot to enjoy a good meal. I'm pretty sure that gave us too many Pilau Rice and charged us for them - the conning buggers !

Now, onto music and mashups and all that shit. A highlight for me this week was hearing my good mate Colatron's latest mash. A combo of Kylie Minogue and Angelo Badalamenti (the man who did the music from Twin Peaks). I would describe Smartie's latest offering as nothing short of Genius. In fact I wouldn't be suprised if the old Bonsai Boomerang Bint didn't decide to use this version in her live shows to be honest - it's that good. I also reckon it might just make the Anti Hit List !!! - Remember where you read it first !!

Colatron - Twin Hearts - CLAP'EM - Thanks mate for this sublime fusion. It's one of your best productions. It made me laught, smile and dance all at the same time. It works on so many levels. Magnifico !!!!

Simon Iddol released the latest WHA ! Compilation this week. The Summer of Love 2008 EP is a seven track mini album of some of the best tracks I have heard in a while. My latest Beatles v Sunscreem is on it and I am in good company with some of the best mashup producers in the world. It's been on repeat on many occasion in Martini Towers this week.

WHA ! Summer of Love 2008 - CLAP'EM - Cheers Simon for taking the time to put this together. I know you have mentioned this may be the last compo you do but I hope you have a change of heart. It's a great one this one. Not many tracks but I really think it's a case of quality of quantity.

My contribution to this album/EP was posted on my site a few days ago with relevant threads to inform people of it's availablity on various forums. My thread on Gybo was locked because of some bullshit excuse about double/cross posting. It's never been a problem before with my compo releases but hey ho ! - It's difficult to remember where the goalposts are when people keep moving them. I remember seeing some graffiti in Brighton a while back saying 'MODS RULE' - well they certainly do on Gybo - it's just a pity they don't have the decency to reply to Personal Messages !

Mod Who Locked My Thread - SLAP'EM - Heil ....

Well I think that will do. I have done a lot more than this of course. I have been on the Wii Fit and lost a bit of weight (although my balance is still crap though - that may be due to the drink and drugs more than anything !) - I have learned that a couple of my mates have been made redundant - SLAP'EM to the employers - bastards ! And a shed load of other stuff that I can't be bothered to write.

What can you expect from me in the next seven days..............a new TV mashup this weekend and a brand new Killers mash sometime next week that will be premiered on AudioPornCentral first !!

Until next time

Bobby

3 comments:

Colatron said...

Haha! Bravo Monsieur Bobby, BRAVO! An excellent idea and an awesome read. I gone done a little wee in me knicks from laughing!

Loving the idea of Clap 'em slap 'em. Sounds like a night out in my local boozer!

As if you were at Earls Court. I used to live down in those parts when I was a civil servant (think Scott but without the podcast) a few years back. It's a hole of a place, and yeah, the Tandoori Garden is a bag of nails. Mate, you should have walked up to Fulham Palace Road, some top eateries around there. And by the beard of Zeus, I know that thing about wafer thin pillows. This is why I will not ever stay in a TravelLodge again. Even prisons give you more comfort than that. I slept on flat-chested girls that have had more plumped comfort. No, you should have asked for your money back. Wish I'd seen Darth Midget though. If only to quote Yoda to him - "Judge me not by my size". :D

Mods - to paraphrase a great movie, "Thats why I'm a mod, I don't wanna be like all the others" and that poor sonofabitch ended up topping himself off the white cliffs....or did he.....Mods scare me.

Thanks so much for the Clap 'em mate - I think I may have finally received a bit of universal praise. Not sure why, as it's ok, but it's not THAT good! Just a literal 5 min. mash I bashed out one night. And as if John S. still visits my site! Lol. But thanks for the praise anyway mate. It WILL now lead to a new themed full-length mix, if only so I can use all my Man From Another Place sound clips :D

Well, a top read indeed, and I look forward to the next installment. Hope all is well down your end, and say hi to the good Lady for me.

Ciao for now,
Andy

Matt Hite said...

Love the commentary, Bobby! Keep it up.

Fishcheese said...

Most excellent - awesome your ranting is.

Feels good, don't it?

Keep up the good work.

I went to a Hitchhiker's Guide convention once. I woke up on the Sunday morning fully clothed on the floor of someone's hotel bedroom. There were about another 12 people in the same state. For some reason, I was dressed like Indiana Jones and a friend of mine came along as a viking. Still, we know how to enjoy ourselves in Glasgow - drink until you fall over or spot someone you can kick in the head until they feel as bad as you do.

A wonderful town.

Oh, also, I got a pice of paper signed by Douglas Adams that read: 'Please stop asking me to sign these fucking bits of paper'

I made it into a badge.